The über task of every human is to play a game called Individuation. The game lasts for the entirety of his or her lifetime. Participation is not optional.
As life begins, each player is dealt a unique set of cards, all face down. Everyone is born whole, but wholly unconscious. In childhood one sits in the lap of parents or caretakers to slowly turn these cards over and discover one’s fundamental fate – who one is, where and when one is, who one is born to. These are the unalterable facts of one’s existence. Parents, either intentionally or owing to their own unconsciousness, deter one away from some cards, and continuously deal new ones, as do other relatives, friends, teachers, and everyone else in the player’s orbit. Many of these cards are impossibly hard to understand or painful to accept as children, and stay face down. These are the parts of the self that remain hidden, split off from the conscious, yet nevertheless influence every moment of one’s existence.
The word Heal shares the same root as the word Whole. To heal is to make one whole. Wholeness can only be achieved by the process of healing past trauma that caused parts of the self to split off and hide in the unconscious as unacceptable traits. Individuation is the active process that turns these hidden cards over, painful as they may be, whenever we are strong enough to do so. When we say that someone is not playing with a full deck, that means they are not all there, that they are psychologically deficient. When one views life from such a distorted perspective, one distorts reality. As one brings hidden content into consciousness, one gains a broader and balanced awareness. Far from being an airy fairy exercise, individuation is the doorway to the real.
As the child grows into an adult, the game matures too, with bigger stakes for not uncovering cards at the right time, whether the players realize this or not. Fate continues to hand out challenging cards that must be dealt with creatively. If the ego consciousness is developed to the point of being able to handle the cards, and not get overwhelmed or possessed by the contents, one can and must uncover these cards, else their content does not become conscious and continues to haunt one’s life while seeming to be just fate. Periodic crises, stemming from the life choices one must make, move the game along. A deceitful charmer named Culture hypnotizes the players, dances in their midst, at times helping to enliven the game, at other times distracting them at crucial moments. A stern old man named Society patrols the play area, telling everyone what to do, and whispers or screams in their ears to direct or misdirect them.
Some players respond to the pressure with grim seriousness, huddling in concentration over their cards and staring intently, trying to figure things out before acting. Others act carefree or careless, sometimes being rewarded for their boldness and initiative and sometimes paying the price for their haste or sloppiness. Some shake with laughter as the adventure unfolds and the excitement builds; others tremble with anxiety at the freedom of possibilities and the burden of choice. Some are afraid to make any move at all, and go into a slump of resignation for long periods, as if by ignoring their hand the game will go away. A few unfortunates who cannot bear the burden may even throw in their hand, ending the game prematurely.
Individuation is the lifelong process of uncovering the unconscious parts of ourselves and dealing with them, painful as that integration may be.
Since it is neither easy nor fun to navigate the game by oneself, players rely on a few four-letter codewords to bond over and uncover cards together. For children the primary codeword to bond over is PLAY. In adulthood, other codewords that bring two or more players into a relationship include LOVE, HATE, MATE, and WORK. Male and female players typically seek each other out because they each lack cards with feminine or masculine characteristics. At the start of the game, females are by far the more gifted players. Nature bestows them with accelerated awareness, since they must hold within them the potential to be primary caregivers to newborn players. Both genders though will desperately suffer from the lack of a relationship with their contrasexuals that hide from consciousness – the anima in the unconscious of men and the animus in women. Male players in particular are shamed or discouraged from uncovering their feminine cards by macho Society and mean Culture. To compensate, they are compelled to attach to typically more advanced female players to feel temporarily whole.
Generative and creative activities of all sorts reveal more parts. In becoming a parent, relating to the child may bring awareness of hidden cards. However, parenting is by no means a necessity for furthering individuation since one can use relationships of a variety of sorts to gain wholeness. Some players make it their life’s mission to try to redeem the mistakes of their parents, and as adults they seek out and attach to very similarly unconscious adults. A female player for instance may find herself relating to male players who resemble her absent father, and vice versa. Essentially, the game detours into role playing and seeking out of surrogate mothers and fathers to compensate for past absentees. The wish here is that these relationships finally deal with cards that were lost to consciousness early in life. Whether this wish comes true or becomes a compulsion that holds one back depends on one’s ability to endure the arduous nature of healing through conscious relating, failing which all one does is simply replay the past with a different partner each time.
Thus, through the act of relating, players can advance the game together, yet this is by no means a guarantee. Often, one player must necessarily break free in order to move faster, or both will stay stuck at a regressed stage. With dynamics such as these at work, for those who find themselves at the later stages of the game, the playing field thins out dramatically. Most of the rest of players are far behind and cannot be relied upon to help advance further. Relating via the typical means of love, hate, mate or work do not suffice any more, especially if these avenues have been already exhausted for their consciousness raising potential. Of course, ideally one will find a lifelong companion for a journey that spirals upwards towards individuation rather than going round in circles. The game rules do not prohibit one from playing solo for long periods, but one must eventually relate to others. One cannot individuate on a mountain. Avenues to expand consciousness include art, analysis, dreamwork, ordeals, psychedelics, shamanism, and various other self-reflective pursuits.
As night approaches, and the light of the day fades, the possibilities for play diminish along with the capabilities of the players to use their discerning faculties. On the one hand, fewer surprises and twists are in store, for most of the sorts of cards that can be dealt by fate have already been dealt. On the other hand, the waning powers of the players bring any differences into sharp relief. Disparities between different players become more apparent. Those who began to achieve individuation early, now appear as relaxed, agreeable, and interesting individuals. They are more consciously aware of reality, and feel more whole. In contrast, those who failed to develop consciousness adequately feel vaguely restless, bored, and difficult, and sense that a few cards are missing from their deck, which is of course true. The former experiences their ego integrity as a sense of wholeness; the latter experiences their fragmented ego as feelings of despair.
One might protest and wail that the entire game has been a senseless round trip, of starting out life whole as a newborn and finishing up life hopefully, if one is successful, whole again. However, the wholeness at the beginning is involuntary and unconscious, whereas the wholeness at the end is hard fought and conscious. This is what makes all the pain and suffering of life worth it. One’s fate cannot be avoided, but a life lived more consciously enables one to fulfill destiny: that when time runs out in the game of life, individuation allows one to die just as one was born. Whole.
